Some Tuesday Nostalgia

Here's a good one.



Yes, my love for the Muppets far exceeded The Great Muppet Caper, folks. I loved them animated as well. Sometimes I will find myself humming the tune at random times/places. Like at my cubicle. Or on the bike at the gym. Or when I wake up in the morning. It's odd.

Aw, but isn't Baby Kermit so cute?

Happy One Year Anniversary, to me!

Yes, just a year ago today I arrived in the great city of Los Angeles. Naive and unaware, I drove through Studio City, Burbank, Hollywood, to arrive at my temporary destination of West Hollywood, adorned in my J. Crew best. And pearls. Always pearls. (I could not have been less LA if I tried).

Flash forward a year, I am still wearing my pearls but I've clearly got a little more LA in me (see: Peace sign on my necklace, and scarf--even though it's the equivalent to a Maine summer outside). I am also really whiny that we only close at 3 pm on Rosh Hashana, and same for Yom Kippur (come on, HR--the Jews can't eat at all that day, can't we just close?). I also feel like a year's worth of getting your ass handed to you in the Entertainment Industry has been quite a schooling, and my innocence a year ago today is even more apparent. And like most who've suffered some time in the real world--I'm more jaded and bitter. Finally, like many others with a liberal arts education and a general wanderlust, I've determined that certainly the only career-choice that might really suit me is that of a self-involved mediocre writer. OH THE PLACES I'VE GONE!

That is to say, my how I've grown up. I guess my Freshmen year in the real world is over, which kind of sucks (especially because I will be turning a quarter-century in January) but I like to think that I can look forward to everything getting bigger and better from here on out, my paychecks included.

And to prove that I never really change that much, I am going to spend some time shopping J. Crew online--I've got a gift certificate and so many cardigans yet to be bought.

Would you rather...?

Saturday night we turned "Would you rather...?" into a lovely little drinking game. My question (fueled by temporary temperature discomfort), was

"If you were going to spend an eternity in hell, would you rather it be extremely hot or extremely cold?"

Fun, right?

Obviously, I would rather be cold 100 times over. I hate being hot. (Odd then that I moved to Los Angeles, right?) A lot of that is because of my issues with sweating. But really--I just love the cold! I do. Sad thing will be when I get to Maine over Christmas and I am such a pussy because the only "cold" I will know is around 55 degrees--what was usually convertible weather in Maine. Good times.

Anyway, I'll leave you with another question:

Would you rather have consistently chapped lips or a consistently runny nose?

That's a tough one for me. I already seem to be dependent on Aquaphor. To be honest, my definition of hell might actually be a place that lacks chapstick. As my psychopathic former boss used to drill into me, "It's the little things that get you."

And now for a completely unrelated (?) and random YouTube clip.



I have no idea.

California's State Motto (and other thoughts)

Too many people.

(Seriously.)

I firmly believe this accurately describes the state of California. Too many people. This weekend I found this most frustrating whenever in situations where a car was involved. No matter what day of the week, what time of the day, or what part of the city--there is always traffic and it is always quite difficult to find a place to park. Yes, thank goodness for Santa Monica--because the truth is I haven't moved my car since I pulled into my parking spot Friday after work, however, while driving with Friends over the weekend, it was definitely quite apparent that the roads are overflowing with very rude Los Angeleno drivers who seem to have a high rate of road rage. Saturday morning for example I was driving to a spinning class at my gym (oh yeah, I did move my car that once) and was crossing a street before some dude who was turning onto the road I was traveling on--because I happened to be moving slower than him, he proceed to lay on his horn. This wasn't just a quick HONK, my friends, on no he really laid it on there. Then, a cab pulled out of a hotel and pulled in front of him and he laid on the horn again. Then, when at a stoplight, he pulled into the right line, only so he could pass me and the cab when the light turned green again.

And, as I dreaded, this very angry driver pulled into the Equinox parking garage. And as I suspected, just a few minutes after I had selected a bike in the spin room, this very angry driver walked in and selected a bike just two seats away from mine.

I can't say I wasn't tempted to tap him on the shoulder and give him a lecture about road rage, and anger, and karma, however I noticed he really seemed to be struggling with the whole spinning thing, so I thought--whatever--not worth it. Maybe he'll blow of some steam exercising. But really--all that road rage is so unnecessary!

I will say this about California--it definitely feels like Fall. Sure it's nothing like the falls I love back East, but it is nice--a little cooler, a little crisper, a few leaves actually change, and the pace of life seems to slow a little bit. I think that might be different from the East Coast, but I am certainly noticing that my weekends are moving at a lower speed. And it's fantastic.



Somehow I slept until noon Sunday. Then I took my sweet time waking up. Then enjoyed a lovely afternoon at the Abott Kinney Festival in Venice. No rush, no limits, no pressure--no need to get anywhere else. Perfection.

Despite the road rage and too many people, California weekends reign supreme.

teeth pain

UGH I did not wear my retainers last night whilst sleeping and MY TEETH HURT TODAY.

GOSH.

What's your general atmoshphere?

I love this:



I think that applies to me right now. Utter confusion. Actually no. Utterly miserable headache is more fitting. Hungover at work is très not cool. Pauvre me. I am exhausted. Not quite political campaign exhausted, more partied out and stupidly got drunk around co-workers exhausted.

I AM SO PUMPED TO WATCH THE DEBATE TONIGHT.
(And Grey's and The Office--which apparently features THE MASTER CLEANSE. WOO CLEANSING. Which, BTW I TOTES need to do again. Some detox could do me well).

Future Outlook is Bleak

I just went to CNN. Take a look at the front page (click on screencap for larger image):



The next thought that crossed my mind was, wow. Wow we are really in the shitter. The economy is looking like The Great Depression Part Deux, the Polar Bears are dying and the ice caps are melting, Bill Clinton lavishes praise on McCain (WHAT???), pirates are on the loose again in the Ukraine, and some little kid who's destined to be really screwed up in a few years's Mom staged a "hot bod"contest for other kids.

I mean.... All that is really, really, really depressing. (Except for the pirates thing. Pirates are fun. And if they look like Johnny Depp, really hot.)

I almost wish the LHC had worked and sucked everyone into a black hole. And what am I contributing to society while I sit at a little desk all day and stare at a computer screen and spend half my time complaining about the supreme shittyness of Windows Vista? I am contributing nothing. Absolutely nothing. And let me stop myself before I have yet another existential crisis, but HOLY SHIT can someone create some sort of happy news source where you can read all about the wonderful things happening in the world? Occasionally CNN has something, but I am even nervous to click on that link about the 3,000 year old discovery in Egpyt because it's probably just someone who predicted the end of the world or something.

UGH.

A Study in Poor-ness (or something)

So I haven't eaten a meal out all week. Not one breakfast, one lunch or one dinner. None. I am so pleased of myself. Not only does this take serious effort, but I've actually been cooking dinners for myself rather than not eat. (By cook I mean microwave some fake chicken nuggest and steam some asparagus in a pan for a few minutes. That's all I got).

But then today, today I cracked. At the start of the lunch hour, I spent several minutes staring at the various Lean Cuisines and fake chicken products in the freezer and everything looked so miserable I decided I was going to do it. I was going to EAT OUT and I was going to get some soup. Because if there's one thing I can splurge on it's soup. A cup of soup. Not a bowl (too expensive.)

So I walked across the courtyard behind my office building to this lovely little organic soup place. After spending what seemed like an eternity deliberating over WHAT SOUP (I mean this is my one meal out all week so I want to make it a good one) I ordered Basil Chicken Chili. The lady at the cash register asked,

"Would you like crackers or a roll with that?"

I looked at her suspiciously. Was she attemping to get some more money out of me? Can't she just smell I am an assistant from that well-known odor of "over-achieving desperate fool?"

I responded, "does it comes with cracker or a roll?"

"Yes." She said this almost as though I had to be the dumbest or saddest person around.

With relief I ordered a roll. What a bargain, soup AND a roll!

The saddest thing is, if she had told me it was extra for the crackers/roll, even just 50 cents extra--I wouldn't have gotten any. I am seriously that cheap. The end.

P.S. I got back to my desk and found this email from my roomie waiting for me:

omg i tooooooooootally forgot to tell you about the radio commercial that had me dyyying and thinking of you.

it's this guy talking to his friend about how he's all, "hey you know how i'm so broke i don't go out for dinner, get drinks, or go to the movies. and i only eat rice, pasta, and dry toast" and his friend is like, "yeeeeah" and he goes, well i figured out how to make a lil more money so my girlfriend doesn't have to cover my dinner so often. the friend is like, o yeah, how?

selling phone books !!! baaah ahahah

i can't even imagine. times be tough when you're selling phone books. he says all you need is a car with insurance. and then the friend makes a joke about how he can't believe he can afford insurance and asks if now that he's making extra money if his saint of a girlfriend won't have to pay for him so much.

it's the longest, most absurd ad EVER. i hope you get to hear it some day.

Thanks DiTonto. See, what my dear roommate knows is that taking up some other source of income has definitely crossed my mind. Thing is, I am lazy. So it's just my measly assistant paycheck for now... some day I will fondly recall this time in my life when soup was a luxury. And then I will shudder in disgust and have the butler fetch me another Bloody Mary. And make it spicy.

Michelle, soon to be unemployed

Here is a lovely email that's been going around all of Hollywood this morning:

Hey Ryan-I'm sorry, b/c I'm covering for Lindsey's usual asst., could you tell me, who's Rosh Hashanah and why would he/she affect Kristi's meeting with KN
and MC?

Thanks! I really appreciate it!

Michelle

Oh Michelle. You've so much to learn. Knowing Jewish holidays might be the most important thing in this town.

I am temtped to call up the company and ask for Rosh.

Cheers,
RHashanahasst@agency.com

A Question

Who is eating at IHOP at 12 pm on a Wednesday? Because earlier I was en route to a doctor's appointment (more on that to come) and walked by the lovely International House of Pancakes and it was PACKED. So, really, who?

Christmas List

I realize it isn't even October yet and therefore the only holiday currently entertaining people's thoughts (if any) is Halloween (which PS I still have to spell out musically using that goddamn song we learned in 4th grade, "H-A Double L-O, W Double-E-N-spells Halloween) however with my dad's visit this weeken, talk of Christmas came up. Early, yes, I know, but unavoidable when you are a struggling assistant and can only really look forward to big ticket items on major holidays and therefore discuss such wants when a parent is in town. Some items likely to show up on my list this year: a bike, pilates classes, gas money. I'd like to add this:



Seriously. I'd be the coolest kid at school. By school I mean work. Can't you just imagine that sweet R2D2 watch on my arm? All the other kids would be SO jealous.

On another note, family friends in Maine continue to give me a hard time for the period of my life (translation: since birth) when I would create highly itemized and specific Christmas lists for my mother (I only wanted to make her shopping experience easy, okay?). I had categories, sub-categories, preferred stores, brands, sizes, colors--you name it. I even had one page I called "miscellaneous" where each year similar things would show up:

Karaoke machine
Trip to Euro Disney
Black Ford Explorer
Trampoline

(You know the year they closed Euro Disney for banktrupcy issues or something happend to be the year we were going to France and I actually wrote a letter to the head of Euro Disney to please keep it open. For me. I had some seriously grand delusions as a child.)

While my love for the SUV, Disney and the karaoke machine rotated in and out with other large items (other cars, technology, small countries), I asked for a trampoline EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Even though every other family in my town, and just about all of my close friends, had them and I could always use one if so-desired, I wanted nothing more than a trampoline to call my own. I never got one, and I have to say, despite the obvious safety issues and the fact that now a trampoline would make little to no sense, a part of me still wants one.

So let's throw that on the list too.

Everybody's Doin It!

BLOGGING IS FOR THE PEOPLE.

Seriously. I am constantly finding out more and more that people I know are blogging and I think it is great. First of all, it makes me feel like less of a jackass. Second of all, I love the idea that people everywhere are using blogs as a forum to explore their interests, irregardless of popular convention. That is to say, I often wonder if there aren't more people blogging because of a general shared fear of what other people might think (clearly a characteristic in which I am lacking). I think I could look at each and every one of my friends and think of some ways they could use a blog.

Anyway, here's a friends blog you should check out, especially if you enjoy golf and clothing (I enjoy both. Moreso clothing than golf, but I appreciate the golf look).

The Khaki Crusader

I've also recently become addicted to this blog Style Rookie that's written by Tavi, a 12-year-old who writes with so much intelligence, wit, and serious artistry I'm seriously jealous (also jealous of all her press--The New York Times to boot). Check it out.

And I highly encourage people to take up blogging.

Actually, no don't. I don't want any competition. (Insert fake smiley emoticon here).

There definitely will not be any blackholes anytime soon

It's a sad day for science folks, as the LHC has gone officially offline until Summer 2009. So much for blaming my lack of motivation on "fear of blackhole suckage" or something. I guess I'll have to find some other science project to obsess over/live in fear of. I'm thinking aliens. Do aliens count as science? I mean, I know it's pseudo-science (do people still call that branch of science pseudo? It's been around 6 years since I've had a conversation with anyone of any scientific authority) or maybe aliens are just real now. Like Celine Dion (alien). Or Prince (alien). Or that famous socialite lady in NYC who had all that plastic surgery to make her look like a cat (alien). Yes aliens are definitely real.

I'll leave the political speak to the better-spoken

A perfectly executed open letter to Tina Fey. A must read.

On a side note, if Tina Fey's three Emmy wins for 30 Rock haven't already shown you, that show is one to watch. Seriously. So good.

OMG YOU GUYS

I cannot believe here it is 5:23 pm on Monday and I haven't even said hello. (HELLO).

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

How about a lil weekend update while I chomp on this delicious and almost perfectly white peach? I know what you are thinking. You are thinking OMG ANNIE STAMOS (made up last name FYI) you are eating a peach? You spend your coveted money on peaches? NO I DON'T. But my dad, Jon Stamos does. And that's right folks... in addition to a weekend of free meals I lucked out with one helluva grocery shopping trip to the local Pavillions, courtesy Dad.

Other weekend highlights include the 30 mile bike ride I went on Saturday. Yes, 30 miles. It was completely uninentional (hence the severe and awkward sunburned tan lines on my right shoulder) but the perfect sunny LA day to ride from Santa Monica to Hermosa, have some lunch on the pier, then ride bike. And, I am totally hooked on bike riding. Which is awesome because I am actually a MISERABLE bike rider (this dates back to a scarring experience when I went to summer camp in Mexico and was forced to go on crazy bike rides sans helmet and on these very steep narrow roads with large trucks passing us and I just remember wanting to close my eyes and cry the whole time) but seriously YOU GUYS bike riding was AWESOME and I am a convert.

I also did a long rollerblade trip yesterday (so Cali, ew) but not as intense though because rollerblading 30 miles would be far less enjoyable. I think I still did 8 miles (need to brag, okay?) and really just had to get a glimpse of the Venice Sunday 5 pm drum circle (so weird).

Yeah so this weekend was all about OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES which was awesome and LA is really the perfect place for such fun. Although now I am feeling a bit out of sorts and like maybe there were things I didn't do that maybe I need to do, but let's be honest--that's not true.

What else... Oh the Emmys... yeah well... I watched them. Thought the fashion choices were lackluster, the jokes stale, and overall a snoozefest. However I am SUCH a sucker for those award shows and regrettably I must say I watched the entire thing. ENTIRE THING. Blech. There are 3 hours of my life I will never get back. I sort of think since I've moved out here and have been exposed to the Hollywood scene I am growing increasingly adverse to such self-congratulatory events. (But don't mind me while I self-congratulate any second I get.)

That's all she wrote folks... and for REAL I promise to kick it into a higher gear this week. Ok?

YES Free Meals

My dad's in town this weekend and the consecutive stream of free meals that consist of real food (aka not Lean Cuisine, eggs, or soup) has ALREADY begun with a lovely lunch today. It reminds me of college when it was parents weekend and you ate out for every meal and everywhere you could possibly envision as phenemonally expensive (aka, costs more than the dining hall). Well, I like to think I am a freshman in the college of life (CHEESE ALERT) so I am going to continue to bank on parental meals. I mean, isn't it a parent's inherent DUTY to provide for their child? I like to think so. Even when they are almost 25, in the "real world" and have a job. Speaking of which, will you take me grocery shopping too?

I love Mao

Not really. (I'm hardly a Communist. I say hardly because it's been awhile since I've studied the tenants of Communism and I imagine with any religion, doctrine, belief, etc you can always find something you agree with. Except that shrewish VP candidate on the Republican ticket who's name I REFUSE to mention because I will NOT add to the excessive internet/media buzz about her.) But I do love this new restaurant I went to last night in Venice called Mao's Kitchen. Beyond having delicious and seemingly healthy (aka non-greasy) Chinese food, cool decor, and a very chill vibe, I think I can sum up my love for this joint with a specific menu item:

One dollar salad. ($1)

Yep. They had a delicious salad for ONE DOLLAR. This fits in nicely with my "I'm poor" lifestyle. Also--it's BYOB which I always approve of.

Some Wednesday Nostalgia

Best Sesame Street jig EVER.

Goddamn you EW staff writers

I give Entertainment Weekly far too many shout outs...

Anyway, please read this commentary on Celine Dion's concert at MSG last night (that's Madison Square Garden not that weird shit Moms hate in Chinese food) and you will once again be reminded of why she is so AMAZING.

NEW GOAL:
See Celine in concert. So simple. Yet, I have a feeling it might be difficult to accomplish. Why? I have little to no money to spend on such a lavish event. OH but for Celine, I just might forgo a few Lean Cuisines...

Overwhelmed

Let me take a moment while I enjoy a Lean Cuisine pizza (so delish AND underestimated) to just say I am completely bogged down at work and feeling a bit overwhelmed... therefore--sincere apologies! Here I go touting the awesomeness of my blog (and by extension... me) to everyone yet I have yet to prove my worth this week. My bad!

In lieu of awaiting witty, fabulous, perfected new posts I implore you to go through my archives. Try clicking on any of those tags. I am telling you, you learn so much about sweating, and even better--you can really immerse yourself in one of my inner monologues.

Better blogging to return soon...

Have I told you about the doggies?

I love pets (except for Moon, the diabolical cat I was forced to live with for several months, oh and I have a tense relationship with my brother's cat Neva, but anyway) and I especially love dogs. I grew up with labs (don’t worry, I wont force you to again suffer through that re-run of my childhood animal repertoire) but have never been a huge fan of small dogs.

That is, until I met Sawyer. Before the other Annie became the roommate #2, she lived down the street from us with her too-cute-for words teacup chihuahua. Yes, teacup. Because if you thought a chihuahua couldn’t get any smaller, you were wrong. When she first got Sawyer he was so mini he could fit in your hand. Then he returned to Annie’s family in New York all summer. Oh and her parents got her another teacup chihuahua, Finn (ain't that precious?). Yes, that’s two very small dogs. And those two very small dogs are now LA residents, after a lovely summer in Bedford. And they live with us. And it's heaven and puppies and unicorns and Lisa Frank trapper keepers all the time.

I never in a million years ever thought it possible that I might love a small dog. Oh but I do. These are the most precious and most darling little doggies. Despite the fact they love to shit all over our living room floor—I love them! And their shit is so small!

Here’s Sawyer attempting to eat some KFC (Ignore the KFC. Okay, fine don’t ignore it—I was hungover and they were eating fried chicken on Stomp the Yard. What? Yes, I watched Stomp the Yard Sunday morning. Didn’t I say I was hungover? Try to keep up, will you? It was a surprisingly good movie. And the chicken was unsurprisingly delicious. KFC Mac n’Cheese not so much.) He’s gotten much bigger than his teeny tiny mini puppy days but still just as precious as ever.



Oh, there is one unfortunate side effect of having two small dogs—the inability to not use baby talk to speak to them. I caught myself telling Finn she was a good “puppie wuppie” the other day. And then I vomited in my mouth a little bit.

The Grass is Greener

Spotted this on the side of a building in Venice yesterday. A full ad made of grass... I love me some Monday Night Football, don't you?

Jedi Knight Training, For Real

Take this class I would like.

(See, with that Yoda-speak I'm like halfway there).

Again, and another reason I should be working at Entertainment Weekly

Because people leave messages like this on my Facebook wall:

Annie, I have been sitting at work staring at the computer with a goofy smile on my face as I read your blog! I know I have said it before, but i'll say it again...thank you for making my work day more enjoyable!!!

Look at THAT. Who wouldn't want an employee with such friendly and supportive fans? I sure wouldn't. I would hire me. Shit, I am gonna hire me RIGHT NOW.

SELF: You are HIRED! (To what, not sure... I'll figure out the details later)

P.S. The "new" Facebook BLOWS.
P.P.S. I've never actually applied to or lobbied for a career at Entertainment Weekly. Just in my dreams. And on the blog. So this is a great example of not walking the talk. Or talking too much game. Or being lazy. Or something.

And now for something completely different

Sometimes the store brand is so much better than the original.

Not to get all in-your-face political on you but...

... I cannot sit idly by and read shit like this:

11:36 a.m.: Elisabeth asks whether he would work to overturn Roe v. Wade as president. A toughie from the home team! "We would not impose a litmus test on any issue," McCain said, but indicated that he would select Supreme Court justices who might object to it. "I believe Roe v. Wade was a very bad decision," he said, to a smattering of boos.

From New York Magazine's Live Blog of McCain on The View

THIS IS A MAN WHO SAYS HE WOULD INSTALL JUSTICES WHO WOULD OVERTURN ROE V. WADE. To all my female friends out there (and especially those of you with conservative leanings), PLEASE think about this for a minute. Well, to all my friends--think about this one.

McCain + Palin makes my head hurt.

Gimme a Game Cube, Pleaaase

That Mario video set my mind spinning, longing for the days when if I couldn't really muster up interest in anything else to do I would spend hours upon hours playing MarioKart Double Dash or the Sonic Mega Collection on the Nintendo Game Cube. I think I love Sonic more than Mario, but when it comes down to it--I love them both and am suddenly experiencing a severe craving to play both these games.

My brother keeps telling me I need to just get a Wii because all the Game Cube games work on that, but what my dear brother forgets is that I have little to no money (closer to no right now) and a Wii is way down on my list of things I need to buy (near the top: food, beverage, more money, self-dignity, mail order boyfriend, cortozone cream). However, I keep forgetting about EBAY!

I have bought two things on eBay:

(1) A pair of jeans
(2) A giant (seriously giant, like movie theater giant) poster for The 40 Year-Old Virgin that hung on a wall of the living room of my suite my senior year at college

Both great purchases, however I am still somewhat skeptical about buying things on eBay. I always get nervous that once I buy it I won't ever be seeing my money ever again. However I did some digging around and it appears there are lots of Game Cubes available for purchase, prices ranging from around $20 to $100, depending on the condition, the number of games, controllers, etc. Thing is, I really just want those two games, and I really only need maybe 2 controllers (although three would be ideal as I have two roommates) and I really don't want to have to endure the stress and anxiety of eBay. And thus the following text:



Aren't I adorable? (Ignore for a minute the fact that I am 24 and think how precious I am. You wouldn't deny me the Game Cube, now, would you?)

I am waiting in suspense for his response, which will likely never come but I am holding onto some hope. There's a fair chance he'll laugh and think to himself NEVER. Or maybe he'll agree to it but then never get around to sending to me. Oh but what a marvel it would be to have that Game Cube... it might suck away my life force and alienate my friends but oh boy I would be seriously stoked!

After Mario Saves the Princess

For some reason, this makes me happy

This Dude Loves Freedom

I saw this car in the parking lot at Ralph's this morning:



I have a suspicion the car belonged to a dude I passed in the dairy section asking some old lady if non-fat and fat-free were the same thing, and who then proceeded to tell a story about the Russians--I think. I tried to tune him out though, I was focused on locating greek yogurt (non-fat/fat-free).

Not fair

I am officially really jealous of Lauren Conrad.

Correction

I was sucked into a black hole today. The black hole of life.

Wow that sounds depressing. Actually it's been a great day at work--just busy (a good thing of course). Now it's that time of the day where all attempts for motivation fail me... time to browse one of the hundreds of blogs I've got bookmarked. Maybe not hundreds. Okay so I'll just refresh Entertainment Weekly a few times...

Nope, not gonna get sucked into any blackholes today

Phew.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: Doomsday

Because I am a self-proclaimed nerd it shouldn’t come as any surprise that I read a lot of science blogs. Well, maybe not a lot, but probably an above-average amount. I also spend a lot of time reading blogs for people that most would refer to as “fanboys.” That is to say, I love all those dorky blogs that pander to the sci-fi and cult film/tv/book/entertainment lovers. About a month ago I started getting really into reading about the LARGE HADRON COLLIDER (which I am capitalizing for emphasis as it is something YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT) and in fact I presented a little bit on the LHC in a staff meeting last week (don’t ask). Anyway, I feel it is my duty to bring some more information of the LHC to the masses (and by masses, of course, I mean the 30 to 50 readers of the blog today—I am hoping for 50).

What is the LHC?
The LARGE HADRON COLLIDER is the world’s largest and highest-energy particle accelerator. It has been built in a 17-mile circular tunnel at the CERN laboratory near Geneva, Switzerland and I think the started back in the mid-90s, which means I TOTALLY could have visited this badass thing when I was studying in Geneva (so worldly, I am) but nope. Bygones.

Okay so this $3.8 billion machine (wrap your head around THAT number) will collide two beams of protons moving at close to the speed of light so that scientists can see what particles appear in the resulting debris. It may help physicists explore new properties of nature, and specifically gain insights into mysteries of the universe ranging from dark matter to super symmetric particles. I didn’t know there was a level past symmetric (I mean can it get better?) and I am happy to see the adjective to describe said level is SUPER.

The most significant sought-after insight is the Higgs boson (no clue how to pronounce that word) which is an as-yet-undetected subatomic particle also called the “God Particle” and is the only fundamental particle predicted by current theory that has not yet been found—if it does not exit that would add weight to alternative theories that depend on extra dimensions of space-time. I don’t really understand a lot of this science mumbo jumbo (THE SAINT QUOTE ALERT) but I think it sounds fascinating.

In sum, the LHC is intended to solve unknown mysteries about the Universe, the space-time continuum, the fourth (and possible other) dimension, dark matter and anti matter.

Like I said, AWESOME.

HOWEVER... DOOMSDAY LOOMS.
What do I mean? Try to keep up...

The first attempt to circulate a beam in the LHC will be made on Wednesday September 10, 2008 (TOMORROW) however there is a lot of controversy surrounding the launch of the project. A LOT.

Critics say the world’s largest atom-smasher could destroy the world and have brought these claims to court in the US and in Europe, however neither court plans to hold up next week’s launch. Essentially, there is concern that the LHC could create globe-gobbling microscopic black holes or other catastrophes such as matter-wrecking strangelets or magnetic monopoles. Now, I have no idea what strangelets are and my spell-check is telling me that this IS NOT A WORD, however this shit is FO REAL. As in, DOOMSDAY. That’s right—tomorrow could be DOOMSDAY because the Earth might get sucked into a BIG BLACK HOLE. RUMINATE ON THAT ONE SARAH PALIN. (And McCain, ruminate on your VP selection, because honestly? HONESTLY? I HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE THAN SARAH PALIN. But I digress).

“Big Bang Machines” of the past have also faced similar skepticism, however this time around it seems a little more REAL MY FRIENDS because the LHC will smash protons together at energies seven times higher than the current world record. SO WE ARE TOTALLY F’ED!

Okay so not really because it’s gone to court and stuff in both the US and the EU (and let's face it, those Europeans are a shitload smarter than we are) and everyone is like COOL IT to the crazy wormhole-expecting critics, IT IS GOING TO BE JUST FINE AND WE ARE GOING TO LEARN SO MANY GREAT AND IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT SCIENCE. So maybe tomorrow isn’t Doomsday.

But don’t say I didn’t warn you.


For more kick-ass photos.

And how about all that science explained in a convenient musical form? Sure, why not. I look like much less of a nerd compared to this chick. I mean, she actually does science and stuff. Wow.

Georgie Is Outta Here!

Georgie Is Outta Here Party In A Box! Commercial



Incredible. I am ordering mine today.

My Favorite Season: Fall TV

I am just bursting with joy and excitement and happy happy happiness this morning my friends! Why O Why? BECAUSE IT'S THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR! It's premiere season, as in TV premieres. HURRAH!

It started last week with Gossip Girl and 90210, and then Sunday was Entourage and tonight is Fringe and that silly new CW show Privleged and before we know it all the other greats and FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS and THE OFFICE and 30 ROCK and GREY'S ANATOMY and oh my goodness gracious. I hardly watched any television all summer (especially that month there when we didn't have cable or internet) and had completely forgotten how wonderful new shows are. In a few months I am sure my nightly watching will be way down from what it is now, but I am just SO EXCITED FOR ALL THESE SHOWS. Sad truth: me and the roomies DVR upwards of 15 shows. FOR REALZ. I am going to blame my career. I am supposed to watch them all, okaaaaay? Grrrrrrrreat.

Aging Hills Fan Sufficiently Embarrasses Herself

So, I just entered this silly little contest:

Hey Guys!!!

Do you like to Blog? Love blogging about The Hills? We're coming directly
to our most passionate fans of The Hills in search of Official Bloggers for The
Hills on MTV.com. We'll be taking submissions over the next 3 weeks for 2
candidates to blog about each episode. If you are selected as one of our 2
bloggers, you will have your blog posted online each week. Your blog will be
ranked by other fans, and the blogger at the end of the season with the highest
ranking will win the opportunity to blog live from The Hills finale in LA with
Lauren, Audrina, Lo, and other cast members!!!

What we need from you:
-Name
-Age
-Address
-Contact Info (phone)
-Photo
-Blogging experience (none required, but please list if you currently or
previously have written a blog, including url(s))
-SHORT paragraph about your love of blogging and why you feel you deserve
to be an official blogger of The Hills for MTV.com.

The contest will require you to post a blog of The Hills within hours after
each new episode's airing. Please be prepared to submit material upon deadline.
Monday September 8th @ Midnight is when we stop taking submissions.

Please email us here - mtvcontest@gmail.com Pass this to on your friends

- Thanks!!!!!!!

After sending along my lightning-fast submission (which, if I can say, was effortless--I'm that good) I thought to myself, "I immediately regret that decision" (To quote Ron Burgandy after jumping into a bear pit). Although, I've really got nothing to lose, right? Except for of course, self-dignity, but I lost that long ago, what with all my fuss over sweating, Celine Dion, The X-Files, and various complaints about my job/life/Katherine Heigl. Thing is, I do think I am actually in good standing to win this, but for one thing: My age. I am too old. For the first time in my life, I really think that I am too old for something. I mean, I am older than every cast member of The Hills. I am older than the average MTV core demographic. Why, OH WHY GOD, why would they EVER hire ME!???

I WILL TELL YOU WHY. BECAUSE IT WOULD BE THE SMARTEST THING MTV EVER DID. SO, IF MTV CONTEST REVIEWER, YOU ARE READING MY BLOG NOW (mais bien sur I gave it a plug!) THEN KNOW THAT YES, YES I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS TO SIGNIFY I AM YELLING AT YOU AND THAT YOU WOULD REALLY BE DOING EVERYONE A SERVICE (me specifically) BY CHOSING YOURS TRULY TO FULFILL YOUR HILLS BLOGGING NEEDS.

That is all.

Well, moving to LA was a step in the right direction I guess

Meet in St. Louis? Really?

It would appear her blog is a lot better than mine, but thanks for the endorsement and awkward attempt at a meet and greet, Dad.

Evolution (BlackBerry version)

I was thinking earlier how I've never used a BlackBerry. Ever. In fact, if someone were to put one in front of me right now and demand I use it I would struggle (initially, because let's be honest I've got some serious intuitive prowess when it comes to tech stuff). Besides my iPhone, the only PDA I'ever used was a Treo. Which was pretty... meh... Anyway, in honor of the Zack Morris phones of my youth, I am loving this photo of the evolution of the BlackBerry. Who knows, maybe one day I'll use one (and finally discover what this "BBM" everyone raves about is) but I'm an Apple girl all the way.

Photo from Gizmodo

Per Russell Brand, "Britney Spears is the female Jesus Christ!"

Not so sure I agree with the above statement, but I will say this: after struggling through various chunks of the excessive and over-produced (and as usual, underwhelming) VMAs last night, Britney Spears, WELL DONE. I remember watching the trainwreck that was Spears last year, from my grandparents home in Florida, seriously embarassed for Britney, myself, and our country. While similar feelings of embarassment coursed through my veins last night, I was almost *almost* proud of Britney. I still think she's a walking trash bag, a train wreck, and sort of a mess overall, but she's definitely looking better and totally had her shit together last night. GOOD FOR YOU BRITNEY.

Russell Brand: I too am plagued by rats' nests in my hair, and I suggest combing it while using conditioner in the shower. Not sure you shower, but maybe you should. Just a thought.

Family Guy Friday

Another genius moment.

Cool it on the collar, Cindy.

Okay I pop my collar every now and then, I do. I won't lie. Blame it on my East Coast upbringing. Blame it on the ridiculous homogenous dress of my alma mater Middlebury College. Better yet, blame my mother who popped her collar since the day I was born (and long before that). Monkey see monkey do.

However, I do not, and would not, pop my collar in this fashion (thank you Cindy McCain):



You look like She-Dracula. Darth Vader also comes to mind... Seriously though, the Republican National Convention is not an audition for Blade Runner 2 (or is it? You know it could be...).

Oh and apparently that future-looking rain coat (or whatever) cost three hundred times more than my monthly salary (or something). Awesome.

Ch-ch-ch-chaaaaaanges

So you might have noticed something a little bit different about the blog today... I changed the color of the post titles! WOO! No no, of course I am referring to that GIANT photo of that mouth and those nasty-ass braces (neither of which are mine, BTW). Yes I thought I would try some new things out... maybe make a few changes, try to make the lovely Jaw Wired Shut appear a little more interesting. You know--spice things up a bit! For the 20 of you still reading this. Seriously though, what happened? I was going from massive readership down to the few, the strong and the brave. Come on people. SPREAD THE WORD. Tell your friends what a fun way this blog wastes your time! Because it always wastes my time! YEAH!

Pet Peeves (Part Four of an Endless, Multi-Part Series)

Pet Peeve: People who incessantly and obsessively update their status on Facebook. Status updates are the number one thing I loathe about Facebook (well, those and people sending me good karma or throwing a zombie at me or asking me to grow my garden or something like that). Mostly, I hate clicking onto "My Friends" to discover that this person is shooting a commercial downtown or someone else is complaining about their recent travel to St. Louis or that dude is talking about how they are recovering for such a fun night out and especially when this one guy uses status updates as a political forum. I think you might be able to categorize status updaters the following ways:

1. Far too smart for their own good. "John is is" or "John is post-modern freedom expression downtown at 7 pm" or "John tomorrow" (WTF does that mean?)
2. Annoyingly happy. "John is [insert Bible quote here]" or "John is so happy it's sunny today!" or "John is grateful for today"
3. Excessively bitter. "Jane is MONDAYS SUCK" or "Jane has been on hold with AT&T for 45 MINUTES!" or "Jane thinks this new Facebook thing is ridiculous"
4. Oversharers. "Jane is so excited for her rehearsal dinner and wedding and oh my god then the honeymoon!" or "Jane spent $45 on a cab to the airport but it doesn't matter because next stop VEGAS BABY" or "Jane is in labor! Sex unknown!"
5. Transparently self-involved. "John is recovering" (from what? the fun night you had that you need to not-so-subtly tell everyone about on your status? Okay, great) or "John is so annoyed he has to go to not one, not two, BUT THREE birthday parties Saturday night!" or "John is really sick of training for this triathalon. I just wanna drink already" (Okay John, DRINK ALREADY).
6. Oddly cryptic (this differs from the smart people because the cryptic people are less smart). "John is 41 flavors" or "John supports Darth Vader" or "John is STOP SCREAMING AT ME" (to all of this and more, I simply ask, "HUH?")

The few times I have used Facebook status it's been for the following: to inform people of a new cell phone number, to inform people that I'm using my old cell number, to post the URL for my blog, and yes once, to overshare/be annoyingly happy and tell people I was EXCITED FOR MAINE! That's about it though.

So a request to all my dear Facebook friends. Cool it with the status updates. Or better yet, use Twitter, where the details of your life aren't shoved down my throat.

(Then again, who am I to complain, what with my over-indulgent and self-involved daily blogging right? Maybe I'll go ponder the dualism of my character in my Facebook status. Look who's too smart for their own good now!)

SMELL-A

Smell A. Get it? Rhymes with LA? What I am trying to say here is I never before notice how incredibly perfect Maine smells. That is, until I lived in LA. All weekend in Maine I just couldn’t believe what a breath of fresh air that place is! Even the stinky sulphuric salt marsh smells divine! That’s not to say that LA smells bad, although certainly parts of it do (like outside Benitos Tacos on Santa Monica Blvd and Federal, located just south of the site of Car Accident #1), but I guess Maine just smells so damn good I was acutely aware of its perfectly pungent aromas all weekend long.

On a side note I found it entertaining that when in LA it's almost inescapable to escape multitudes of Spanish-speakers while lounging at the beach. When in Maine? French Canadians everywhere. Seriously everywhere. Kind of incredible.

They say you can never go home again (not sure who says that and why) however, I beg to disagree. Going home was fantastic and sure it’s always going to be a little different but the truth of the matter is that going home is one of the best experiences I have nowadays. Not sure where that ranks on the pathetic scale, but I know I had a great weekend and am already doing the countdown until Christmas.

Seriously though... the way Maine smells? I just wish I could bottle it up and take it with me everywhere.